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1. Just Out of a Relationship Guy: He's on the market again, but that doesn't necessarily mean he's ready—especially if he's the one who's been dumped. "Usually when people jump into the next relationship, they haven't done the work to grow themselves from that space, [or] to ready themselves for the next relationship," says Pharaon. "You want to make sure that person has some time in between the previous relationship to actually be a human."
2. Gets Really Angry Really Quickly Guy: When a guy's reactions are consistently overboard for what's appropriate, it's a big red flag. "I think most of us have an idea of what would be an appropriate response to something and of course we all get angry from time to time, but people who get super angry, you want to stay away from that," Pharaon says
. Does he snap at a waiter who gets his order wrong? Talk down to his coworkers? Ultimately, you want someone who is responsive, not reactive; someone who can understand where their feelings are coming from and act accordingly
3. Obsessed with Work and Money Guy: It's great to be ambitious, but when your only identity is tied to your job or how much money you make, that's a problem. "We need people to have different parts to them and to see that they honor and make time for those different parts," Pharaon says. Maybe he's a part of a pickup sports team, or he goes to see a lot of live music: No matter what it is, he should have a life outside of his job—if he has balance, it's a good sign that he has his priorities in check and can make space for you in his life too.
4. Different Intentions Guy: What are you looking for in a relationship? If you're keeping company with someone who doesn't want the same things, you might be setting yourself up for disappointment. It's okay to ask someone what type of relationship they're looking for, says Pharaon. For example, you can ask, "Do you want marriage and kids someday?" to gauge his feelings on both subjects. "Any man who's kind of out of alignment or has different intentions is someone you want to stay away from," she says.
5. No Ambition Guy: "This is the guy who doesn't want to improve his life. He's not very motivated, he's not very accountable for his actions, he's not very accountable to anything or to anyone, especially you, and that's how it would affect you," Dr. Carlen says. He gets lazy about himself, and will thereby get lazy about you. Pharaon agrees: "For men, their purpose in life is something that's critical to their overall well-being. So if they can't trust in their purpose, then they can't show up for a relationship the best that they can."
6. Too Attached to His Family Guy: "There's nothing wrong with loving your family," Dr. Carlen says, but a guy who doesn't lead an independent life from them—financially, emotionally, and physically—will not be likely to have a healthy relationship. "You want to know that the two of you are the team and that his loyalty is with you as opposed to going to his family," Pharaon says. Instead of feeling like his girlfriend and priority number one, you'll often end up playing the role of "mother, maid, and lover," Dr. Carlen warns.
7. All About Him Guy: It's often difficult to spot a narcissist This is because when they're showering you with compliments and gifts when you start dating, it's really about getting you to appreciate them rather than them appreciating you. "To be in a relationship with a narcissist, there isn't anything healthy about it," Pharaon says. "There's no room for you to show up because everything is about that person. That person is not tending to your emotional needs or physical needs, any type of need you might have. It becomes all about them."
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